no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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