My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
