Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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