your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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