I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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