I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
