ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
