You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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