i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
