You just made me feel so damn special
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
