Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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