I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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