it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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