Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
