we're blogging at a bar
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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