Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i now understand why vodka
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
