So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
