Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret

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(714): View more from California

I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room

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(443): View more from Maryland

Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

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(630): View more from Illinois

Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went

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(815): View more from Illinois

you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year

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(325): View more from Texas

I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours

(325): View more from Texas

Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.

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