I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
