Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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