Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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