some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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