you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
