New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
