im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
