Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
