well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
