Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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