6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
