Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
