no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
