You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Alive.
So much puke
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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