apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
