The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
