how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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