I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
