I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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