After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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