Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
