Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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