He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like heaven, but drunker
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
