I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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