I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
