id be glad to
where does the pee come out of this thing
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
