i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
