WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have tasted many bathrooms
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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