her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
