How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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