Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
