I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
